I was not feeling terribly motivated this morning, but I pushed through and did it anyway.  I thought I might just walk the bit of road from here to the end of the property along Burris, a route I take a lot (It takes six laps to get two miles in), but I decided today would be a good day to take the most challenging of the routes to the next road and back, so I went down to Prairie Road.  I did that one specifically because I lacked the enthusiasm, almost like I was punishing myself for that feeling.  Really, I think I was just trying to balance everything out.  When I’m really with it and into my morning walk, I tend to walk faster and longer.  If I’m not going to do that, I might as well take the hills and get my heart rate up that way.  It was a nice morning—a little damp from yesterday’s rain, but nothing muddy or slippery.

I’m starting to feel very excited about having systems in place to help keep me organized enough to be more consistent with… everything.  That was some advice I got from Robert the other day, and he couldn’t be more correct.  But when I think about how I’ve been for the past 20 years, consistency is not what comes to mind.  That all gives me a sort of false impression of myself actually.  The thing I’m inconsistent about is the time and manner of my work, but not as much the work itself.  I think of myself as someone who wished they kept up with journaling, but also someone who cannot seem to get it together when it comes to journaling.  When I really look at it, I journal a lot and often.  It’s just in a physical journal and on my blog and in my meal planning notebook and on a scrap of paper here or there and in random text documents on my computer (all saved in different ways) and in letters…. I’m doing it.  I’m just not doing it the way I admire in people like Robert who can trace his daily journaling back 40 years, all consistently kept in the same place.  It’s okay that mine is chaotic and scattered.  It wouldn’t be mine if it wasn’t  It seems like a daunting task to gather it all and make sense of it, but I’m working on that.  I don’t know who it is for, but I’m working on getting it all compiled.

This morning reminded me a lot of being a teenager.  Mom worked at 7:00am, so she’d drop me off at school on the way.  That meant I arrived over an hour before classes started and my friend group developed from that.  Every morning, Mom would wake me up at 6:00am and every morning I hated it, didn’t want to get up, pushed against it.  But by the time I got to school, I was glad to be there.  I was excited to spend an hour with my friends.  Sometimes we don’t want to do things.  That is okay.  Do the things anyway.

[Walk #75]