Category: Monthly Update

September 2023 Update

   30 September 2023  Leave a Comment on September 2023 Update

So, as I had predicted September was not as euphoric as August had been.  Part of that was due to my own dabbling in various ways to see what would and would not work in terms of adding back in foods that aren’t terribly compliant (as well as using up some foods already in the house), but some was a general bit of frustration when either my weight loss seemed to have slowed or more notably when exercise felt difficult.

The month started on a high note, and I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made with my weight.  I am very impatient about it all of course, but it is hard to complain when I’ve lost as much as I have.  Hopefully this coming Monday’s weigh-in will put me over 50 lbs of total lost weight.  I’m apprehensive about it, but I’m always apprehensive about weighing myself.  I don’t know if that feeling goes away at some point.

This month has been all about simplifying my meal planning and getting down to the most basic foods that I would enjoy eating for my life.  I like to make soup with many ingredients, but I’ve really tried to hone in on the least number of ingredients to make something I still love.  That is going well, and there have been no surprises.  I need to learn to trust myself.  I know what I works for me; I didn’t really need any big experiments to tell me that.

I’m planning to focus on food costs in October.  I want to see how much I can lower my grocery bill and still feel just as satisfied.  It will be similar to September, but I already know that my walnut milk might have to be replaced by soy or almond.  I might need to switch from lemonade to water, especially seeing as I go through so much these days.  What I want for this next chapter in my life is to simplify everything.  I want to live cheaply and gently.

I want to have all of the extra weight gone yesterday, but I just need to keep reminding myself that none of these things happen quickly.  I put in a lot of time gaining the weight; I need to give myself time to lose it.

August 2023 Update

   31 August 2023  Leave a Comment on August 2023 Update

I didn’t realize I would be doing this in July, but I’m so glad I started doing this plan and I’m so glad I started blogging about it.  It feels like a good start in taking control of my life.  It has come at the cost of some of my favorite things to spend my time on, but that will change.  I needed time to figure everything out and to obsess over every little part of my life.

So, August is over and I intend to stop counting calories for the most part.  I will still be checking my calories on certain items and trying to keep my daily numbers low. But I think I have a decent handle on calorie density, how to structure my days, and what to avoid.  Should I start putting on weight at all, I will immediately go back to counting calories & fat.  I think it can be a useful tool in trying to get control of life.

Exercise is going very slowly.  I spent years getting to a point where I find movement difficult, so I can’t expect to undo that in a month.  I’m working on it, and my hope is that as I lose weight, getting exercise will only become easier.  I got a bike to just get my body moving because this area is not conducive to walking, but I may need to do some morning or afternoon laps between houses.  It will be boring, but that doesn’t matter.  It’s one of my biggest obstacles and I need to work on that.  When the bike is easier (it is difficult because of leg issues), I will be able to do that more.  I’m not giving up.

I’ve been thinking about what life will look like once I move from here.  I cannot get a clear view of it, but I know I will take some of my issues with me.  But I find that the more energy I have, and I have had a ton this month, the more I want to purge and reduce the things around me.  I find myself cleaning when I would have left things messy for months.  It’s almost like I’ve woken up.  My feelings about this are complicated.  I feel guilty for who I was when my parents were disabled.  I should have done better, but as usual I thought my time with them was unlimited.

If I’m really honest, I think the epiphany I’ve had is that I want to live.  And I’m not sure I cared before.  After witnessing the hardships my parents went through as disabled people, I don’t want to live in the same way.  I don’t want that future.  I cannot control everything that happens in life, but I can do better to make sure I’m healthy.  I can stop letting problems build up and consume me.

August was a great month.  I enjoyed my food, I enjoyed my routine, I enjoyed letting go of things I used to eat all the time.  And I managed to lose somewhere in the neighborhood of 15–20 pounds.  Because of the limits of my scale, I had to wait until I was under the maximum to start recording.  I actually will never know how heavy I was, but I do know it was over 400.  I worry everyday that my scale is not actually working and that I am not under, but that my scale is just making things up.  It will take me time to stop believing that.  It’s not a rational hangup, but it is something on which I dwell constantly.

I’m looking forward to the future.