Tag: weight loss

The Wandering Hermit: Hat & Heels & Illusionary Fat Loss

   17 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Hat & Heels & Illusionary Fat Loss

I went on a walk with Justin this afternoon.  He’s been feeling sick, so we couldn’t do a full 2 miles, but he did a mile and a half.  I think that’s pretty good.  He went to his room to sleep the rest of the day, but that was likely his plan anyway.

I feel like going to local parks and walking as many as possible for a while.  Maybe mixing that with my usual walks in the morning… maybe doing those in addition to the morning walks.  It’s just so much better on my feet to not be on gravel, but I do miss my usual walks.  It’s been almost a week since I did one out here.  I’ll try to get one in tomorrow morning.  Change is uncomfortable, even when it doesn’t matter.  Walking the paved sidewalks just felt so good, I could have done twice as much as I normally do.  I need to pay attention to those sorts of things.  Wherever I can increase distance without overdoing it, I need to do that.

I need more hats.  I’m trying to get used to wearing hats more.  I like the look of them and they do protect me from the sun.  If I’m going to be spending increasing time outside when the sun is up, I need to wear hats when I walk.  I’m wondering if my 5:00am walks are over for now.  It is my favorite time for a walk, but it’s already too dark now.  If I was going to a gym, I could continue, but I think I might need to push back to 6 or 6:30.  I don’t love that, but I can still get up and do things at 5.  I just need to shuffle around my routine.

Okay, I need to get more work on my sides.  I’m not sure what to do exactly.  I know I can just look it up, and I will.  But it is apparent I need more work on that.

Over the weekend, I lost too much weight.  I had lost 7 extra pounds since last Thursday, which I felt was too fast.  I actually had that revelation while showering on Monday morning.  I just felt like I had lost too much and I wasn’t feeling great about it.  I was eating, but I just felt off.  I confirmed that Tuesday when I noticed I’d lost 7 pounds.  Rapid weight loss is fine, but if it is too rapid that can cause a lot of problems.  In the hopes it was an illusion caused by dehydration, I got some higher calorie foods and just packed in calories for the day.  When I woke up this morning, things made more sense.  It looked like I had lost 2 pounds since last Thursday, which is more reasonable.  I also feel a lot better than I did… and I wan’t feel bad per se.  I was just feeling a little off.  I felt like the fat was decreasing, but not correctly.  I was drinking a ton of water, but it’s dry out there.  I think it might have just been dehydration.  I’m back to normal eating and I’ll just have to wait to see what next Monday’s weight is.  I’m taking this morning’s as my end of week.  I just don’t trust Tuesday’s, even though it would be nice.  I never want to do anything illusionary or so quickly that I make myself sick.

[Walk #126]

The Wandering Hermit: Obesity: Let’s Talk About It

   8 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Obesity: Let’s Talk About It

Does obesity have meaning anymore?

I’ve been overweight for my entire adult life, and obesity is a word that gets thrown around a lot when discussing weight.  It’s one that is meant to have a specific meaning, but is as hollow and vague as overweight these days.  And it’s the more upsetting sounding of the two, and so a lot of folks have a strong aversion to being called obese, even if it is clinically correct.  But I think it’s really a problem of messaging.  I’ve just now gone from Obese class III to Obese class II.  I both feel like celebrating that and I still need to acknowledge that I cannot stop and smell the flowers here.  I need to be visitor here at this weight category.  I won’t even be considered less than obese until I’m under 200 pounds, something I’m not sure is possible at this point.  I’ll keep working my way down there, but my meal plan is what it is at this point and the calorie deficit is less and less deficient every day.  I won’t be considered “Normal” weight until 169 pounds, and that just seems silly actually.  I haven’t been that weight since middle school probably.  It sounds like a child’s weight to me because it was for me.  I have no idea what weight I will settle at.

Obesity is on the rise.  Severe obesity (BMI of 40+) is trending upward at a slightly lower rate, but that’s where I lived for many years.  Now that I am in the regular obesity classes, I just feel like the language we use about these issues makes no sense.  It does nothing to explain to a person like me that at 150 pounds heavier, it is hard to lift your legs and it might be hard to walk in a place that requires stepping over things.  I have no such problem now.  I used to think I had wide feet.  Apparently I had fat feet.  There’s such a world of difference between being 420 pounds and 257 pounds, but all of the health data lumps the two in together.  It’s too broad.   

[Walk #116]

The Wandering Hermit: Surprising Myself

   6 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Surprising Myself

This morning’s walk was perfect—cool, dark, calm.  I woke up rested and felt great.  I do feel a little like I’ve been pushing myself this month, and I’m trying to be cautious about that.  I always worry about going too far.  I’ve been feeling like my whole body has built up a bit of pressure following my morning walks…I’m not sure if that makes sense.  It’s like I’m straining everything.  It’s not bad exactly, but I’m also not sure why it’s happening.  I actually might describe it as the feeling of asthma, but in my entire body, not just my lungs.  I don’t know if that is making sense.  I’m sure something is going on that explains the feeling.  From my brief research, my best guess in delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), but there is no real pain involved.  It doesn’t seem to be an injury, so for now I’m not going to worry about it.  I’ve been feeling it since my extra long walk on Thursday.  I’ll just keep paying attention to what my body is doing and act accordingly.

I’ve now lost 160 pounds.  That is wild to me.  I don’t know how much weight I have left to lose, but I can see it being anywhere from 50 to 90 pounds.  I’m just amazed at how quickly I’m talking about such small numbers I still need to lose.  It was not that long ago that I had stopped believing in my own capacity to accomplish anything, but I just don’t feel that way anymore.

[Walk #114]

The Wandering Hermit: Walk #100

   25 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Walk #100

This was my 100th walk!  It’s hard to believe I’ve done so many.  I decided to start doing a daily walk 1 April 2024, but it was rainy and so I officially started on 3 April, doing half a mile on a good day.  It wasn’t until 7 May that I finally started walking past the bridge that crosses over the creek and started walking up to the neighbor’s house and back.  On 11 May, I walked to the next road down, a mile away.  19 May, I crossed Fairgrounds, the cross street I live on, walking down a bit and back to the neighbor’s house.  Since 28 May, my habit has been always to walk to the next road from here, in any direction, and back.  That makes the walks 2-3.3 miles, depending on the direction I go.  This morning, I did 4.32 miles, walking East to Prairie Rd, North to Yost Rd, West to Fairgrounds Rd, & South to Burris Rd.  That is a little unusual because I was doing it to celebrate 100 walks, but I felt great afterward and was not short of breath or overly exhausted.  What I’m not trying to be cautious of is not continuing to increase the distance for no reason.  3 miles feels really good.  4 was a nice amount this morning, but I had started constantly checking my watch at about 3.5 to see when it would be over.

This is all probably painfully obvious to people who are already pretty active, but I started at not being able to walk out to the car without having to stop to catch my breath.  Being able to do any of this seems remarkable to me.  I’ve been thinking about my next steps.  Like I said, after 3 miles I was ready for the walk to be over, but it wasn’t because I was overly tired.  I was bored.  So, it might behoove me to add an evening walk as well.  That would definitely be easier on joining a gym.  I like the idea of walking 5:15am-6:15am & 5:15pm-6:15pm.  It is so hot this week, that I don’t think I’ll be able to test that out though.  Maybe I’ll try running in place with a fan blowing directly on me!  

I’m proud of myself.  I didn’t know if I could do it, but I was determined to try and feel like I finally figured out something I wish I had learned 20 years ago.  I could dwell in that regret, but that won’t actually alter the reality of my life.  Instead, I’ll take that knowledge and make a future from it.  

[Walk #100]

The Wandering Hermit: Breathe It Out

   21 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Breathe It Out

This morning’s walk felt like walking through someone’s hot breath.  The value of joining a gym feels increasingly apparent.  I sometimes find myself defensive of Oklahoma because of the long Spring & Fall, but I do forget about late June & all of July.  It always comes as a surprise.

I was listening again to The Book of Pride this morning, a collection of stories written from interviews with LGBTQ folks who made their contributions in the past 50 years during the LGBTQ Rights Era.  It’s fascinating to hear their stories, but it had me once again thinking about something I periodically want to sit down and hash out—who are my own life’s “thought leaders” or influences?  What books or poems would be a part of the canon of a book on how to be more like Brian?  I think about doing that often, and wish I would have done it annually.  I would love to know who I thought I was by way of lists in 2002.  What did that guy know about anything?  And isn’t it interesting that my list today would have so many influential health people on it, but only a year ago I wouldn’t have known who they were.  We are all always changing and evolving.  

Meal planning has been going frustratingly poorly.  Justin asked me to help, but it seems like what he wants from me is to tell him that eating junk food will help him lose weight, and there are no restrictions on amounts.  I do honestly believe that it doesn’t matter what a person eats as long as they are mindful of a few key things. 

  1. Calories—It’s been a meme for decades.  I always think about Rhoda Morgenstern on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  On the show, she was frequently dieting and that dieting consisted of eating fewer calories an moving more.  That advice was true then and it is true now.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is simple.  Being in a calorie deficit is how all diets work.  Doing it in a way you enjoy is how to make those “diets” into healthy lifestyles.
  1. Fiber—I’ll have to look up some of the research I’ve seen on fiber to bolster my claims here (this is just my thoughts, so I’m not trying to make claims), but fiber has been correlated with positive health outcomes over and over.  And while doctors already champion fiber as important for health, I will not be surprised at all in the future when we find further evidence of fiber’s health benefits.
  1. Water—You need more water.  The fiber needs it to work its way through your body and your body needs water in order to breath most effectively.  We lose a lot of water during breathing, so drinking more water is important for that alone.  Breathing is how 80% of fat is lost, so it’s extremely important.
  1. Enjoy—There is a huge spectrum between mindless binging on junk foods and dragging yourself through the house to eat your bland and flavorless greens.   You never have to give something up unless that thing and you have a toxic relationship.  I love peanut butter, and I don’t understand why every size container feels like a one day supply.  Peanut butter causes my brain to stop sending the signals that I need to stop already.  I’m usually tossing the jar in the trash when I realize I’ve just eaten several day’s worth of calories.  So, I did have to give that up.  For the same reason, I don’t buy my favorite snack: Takis.  Since I started my weight loss, I’ve had them three times.  They are now a celebratory food for me.  And I’m fine with that because my relationship with them was unhealthy.  But I haven’t given up other junk foods.  I still like to get meat alternatives, tortillas, Taco Bell, Burger King…. the difference is that I have control with the things I do eat, and I write everything down.

That ended up getting longer than I expected.  I guess I had some opinions!  I’ve lost 155 pounds, so I guess I’m starting to become one of those people who knows everything.  I should write up a guide to how I did it; I don’t know if anyone would find that helpful or not. 

[Walk #96]

The Wandering Hermit: Cardio Thoughts

   17 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Cardio Thoughts

I woke up with a lot of gusto.  My lethargy yesterday had been the result of allergies after stirring up a lot of dust on Saturday, so I was glad that my body had calmed down about that and I would be able to get on with it today.  Fortunately, there isn’t really all that much dust stirring to do; we did that job already.  Most of the rest consists of things that have sat in closets or cabinets, and it will all be relatively dust-free.

My gusto created a wind at my back and while still on the slow side, my pace was very good for me.  I was watching a video over the weekend by John Glaude (ObesetoBeast) in which he was reacting to a video by Anna O’Brien (Glitterandlazers) on her quest to run a marathon.  In her video she was disappointed to find that while she had been training, she was technically walking or power walking, but only is short bursts even breaking into a jog.  She was not running at any point.  John made an excellent point, and one that I needed to hear at the moment.  It is not necessary to run.  It is just fine to walk.  I’m paraphrasing.  What I appreciate about this, and what he briefly explains, is that running is not a superior form of walking.  They are two different types of exercise.  I did actually know this, but I have found myself recently falling into a trap of thinking that if I were better at this, it would be a run.  And that thinking isn’t helpful.

I am interested in learning to run, but not as a replacement for my walks.  I’ve grown fond of my walks and in fact I look forward to them so much that I want to extend them.  I’ve already started to make plans for how life might look in a future where I can walk maybe to a park or in a park, and stop midway to do my journaling.  I love that idea.  Where I currently live, there aren’t places to stop.  It’s for the same reason that my walks tend to be limited to 2-3 miles; that’s the distance from the corner where I live to the next street and back.  I’m not quite to the point where I don’t need a bit of a rest after that distance, but as I am back home by that point I just get on with my day.  If there was a spot to sit just at Yost Rd, I might try going another mile, doubling my total for the day.  In town, that will be more of an option, and one I wouldn’t mind taking.

Prompted by my brother’s concern, I’ve been a little concerned about my heart rate at night.  I don’t know if I would have thought about it much if he hadn’t been talking about it.  I routinely drop to about 38 or 39 BPM, usually just as I’m starting to wake up.  Whether it is a function of my body waking up or I am waking up in response, I cannot say.  But heart rate is something I’ve been working on in general.  I don’t have the luxury of being able to see a doctor at the moment, so I have to treat myself as carefully as I can.  One thing I’ve been trying, and which seems to be working okay, is to do a bit of cardio just before going to bed.  I don’t think it needs to be as strenuous as my morning walks, but a few minutes of jogging in place or a few minutes on the exercise bike.  I just want to get my heart rate up to about 120 BPM for a little while.  I do pretty well with my recovery rate, so it returns to normal pretty well, but on the nights where I have done that—so far—I have not dipped below the 40s.  Of course, that could all be a coincidence and maybe I’m grasping at straws.  But I’ll keep experimenting.  In those final moments before bed, I’m almost always watching YouTube, and I can easily just get up and do some exercise while I watch my video.  

The other metric I’ve been really interested in increasing is VO2 Max, which steadily increased from 27 April to 11 June, but seems to have stalled out.  This morning it had decreased which was pretty frustrating, but I have a lot of allergy issues and I’m sure that is part of the problem.  I’ve become complacent with my allergies, rarely feeling the need to take anything at all because it has felt so much better without the 150 pounds I recently lost.  But it is possible I’m not allowing myself the full potential of my lungs by denying myself the relief of allergy medications.  I do hate being dependent on a medication, but sometimes things just are what they are.

[Walk #92]

The Wandering Hermit: A Skinny Legend & His Twenty Year Old Pants

   8 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: A Skinny Legend & His Twenty Year Old Pants

I woke up a little early this morning, but ready to go!  Whereas yesterday morning was full of dread about my walk, today I was itching to get out the door and on my way.  I might have done extra as well, but I do have a small blister on one toe and it started to bother me a little after a couple of miles.  I probably need better shoes.  I don’t get all that many blisters, but I’d love it if I just got none; I had no sooner nursed one of them away when this one popped up.  It’s a very slow game of whack-a-mole on my poor little feet.

A few weeks ago, I found a pair of denim shorts that I used to wear quite a bit while I was living in Alaska.  At a size 46, I could just get them on with a little effort.  They weren’t uncomfortable once on, so I started wearing them all the time and they became increasingly easy to put on.  While making dinner last night, I became fed up and removed those same shorts right there in the middle of the kitchen and tossed them aside.  When it was convenient, I retrieved a pair of sweatpants to replace them.  They have been getting increasingly loose for a while now, and it has become a chore to keep them up, even when I hold them up.  Now, yes, I could get myself a belt, but the point still remains that I went from barely being able to squeeze into shorts from 15 years ago to not having enough girth to hold them up.  And that is progress if you ask me!

The casing that once held so much fat is weird.  It can be squeezed into pants that might otherwise just fit if I hadn’t stretched out the skin.  I had another experience similar to the denim shorts late last night.  In my quest for another pair of shorts, I tried on some from my twenties.  I was a size 38 for many years, so most of my clothes from that time–and yes, I still have a lot of them–are that size.  I was actually able to a pair on and fastened.  They weren’t still comfortable once on, squeezing me just a bit too much, but they fastened and that made me literally jump up and down in a sort of cartoonish moment of glee.  It means a few things.

  1. Apparently, I can do this.  I need a lot of reminders!
  1. As I continue from here, I have plenty of clothes to look forward to.  That said, I wouldn’t call the clothes of my teens & twenties aspirational.  Those were the days when I primarily shopped at County Seat and my edgy clothes came from The Buckle.  I was default settings White.  I sorta still am.
  1. I am a “Skinny Legend.”
  1. I can, and will, take over the world.

Today is probably going to be a stressful day.  I’m trying to fight that back as best I can, but it’s going to be very hot this afternoon and I have to get some things packed and ready to move to storage tomorrow.  That doesn’t even address the lack of space I have in the storage unit, but that isn’t something I have the mental energy to quibble over just now.  Generally, I’m feeling great this morning.  I just know what is coming today and I’m not sure just having the right attitude will help me out.

[Walk #83]

Mindful Musings: In My Green Shirt

There’s a photo I like to share of myself when I was around my heaviest.  It was one I had Justin take of me standing on the front porch in one of the many short-lived “diet” plans I attempted in the time when I wasn’t taking things as seriously.  I stood in the same spot during my meditation, glasses in my pocket, trying to focus on the birds–often, it is the birds that get me out of my own way–but I struggled to not think about how much I feel changed.  And then I realized I am wearing the very clothes I was wearing in that photo.  They hang loosely on me now, but it made me really want a photo recreation today.  I’ll see if Justin will take another.  Maybe I should wait for a year for this kind of thing, but I am impatient.  When I looked it up, I found that the shirt isn’t the same.  They are the same size though, and the pants are almost certainly the same.

The Wandering Hermit: Rested, Drenched, & Nearly Zen

   5 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Rested, Drenched, & Nearly Zen

Last night, I knew I would want to sleep in today, and I did just that.  I periodically woke up this morning and just decided to go back to sleep.  It wasn’t a lack of motivation; I knew I would eventually get my walk in, but I wanted to make sure I was caught up on sleep.  While I’ve been waking up naturally around 5:00am, I have found that I’m a little sleepier in the afternoons than I used to be, and much more so than I would like to be.  I think I’m just not quite getting enough sleep.  According to my watch, I am averaging 5 hours & 56 minutes of sleep over the past month.  That’s down a full hour from Spring and over two hours from January.  It’s pretty similar to the amount I was sleeping at the end of last summer.  That might be fine, but I am a lot more active than I was last year.  A whole lot more.  I just don’t know that six hours cuts it at the moment.  But my brain doesn’t seem to know that and so I just hop up each morning.  I could attempt to solve the issue on the other end, going to bed an hour earlier.  I already get such a hard time for being in bed by 10:00pm.  If I’m already getting it, I might as well go for another hour.

I worked up quite a sweat during my morning walk today.  I have been trying to get my heart rate up, and some mornings I have only very limited success doing that.  Today was going better, and I was just drenched in sweat as a result.  My heart rate during walks is all over the place, but the number does look like it is trending upward.  The whole thing did make me think about workout clothes I would like to get.  I have been saying from the start of my weight loss plan that once I have gotten to 250, I need new clothes.  I’m 19 pounds from that goal, but my clothes being baggy is starting to feel like an issue.  Some mornings, my shirt feels absolutely in the way, billowing out, folding in and rubbing against me, becoming heavy with sweat.  I’ve been wearing my rattiest clothes for walking; they aren’t going with me into my future, so they might as well be of use right now.  The problem is that some of them are becoming a hinderance.  Even the pair of denim shorts I was so excited to be able to wear again after not being able to do so for 15 years have become so big that they just drop off if I stand still for too long.  I had been walking in them, but they cannot be trusted.  And my waist is in a weird transition period where I still can’t seem to find a decent belt that fits me, but my pants are all starting to require it.  I’m close on the fit, mind you, but it’s just not quite there.  Of course, I could just go ahead and get my gym clothes now, but I don’t intend to stop losing weight and I don’t want to waste money.  I’ll play around with a list on Amazon; just browsing my settle me down a little bit and let me pause and wait for that goal.

I did not take my phone on my walk this morning; I wanted to just enjoy the sounds around me, but the birds weren’t still singing as I walked later than usual and so the sounds of the morning were just the occasional car driving by.  It wasn’t the zen experience I would have hoped for, so tomorrow I will take my music!

[Walk #80]

The Wandering Hermit: Legs & Fluctuations

   28 May 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Legs & Fluctuations

What a wonderful day to be alive!  I have just been feeling it since I woke up.  It helped to have a nice long conversation with my friend Robert yesterday; that is still resting firmly on my mind, and this morning’s walk was filled with thoughts I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

One of my preoccupations during the walk was how my left leg wasn’t in my way.  Because it has been so swollen for so many years, I had gotten used to brushing up against it when I walk, and even though my legs both brush together, it has been the left one that feels like it is encroaching on the space that belongs to the right leg.  This morning, that seemed to have not been true.  Again, it’s slightly emotional having any improvement at all.  One year ago, I was unwilling to leave the house because I was embarrassed about my leg issues.  Today, I feel like it’s barely a problem.  That’s really amazing.

I’ve now been doing daily meditations for a week, and I have some thoughts.  It’s a little sad that I need to schedule time in my day to just stop and be present.  That said, I’m really happy about it.  I worried at first that the time would turn into brainstorming for ideas or writing I wanted to do.  Almost all moments turn into that if I don’t have a distraction, but I’ve been able to put a pin in that and just listen to the world around me.  I don’t know that I have found the exact thing that works for me, but I’ll keep trying things.  Currently, doing a few minutes at the end of my walk has been working okay, but sometimes I do have trouble settling my mind down first.  My walks are mentally active—often chaotic—times.   

I had set a goal of losing 150 pounds by 1 June.  I have reached my goal as of this morning, but I’m not going to celebrate just yet.  I need to make sure it stays off and I’m not having some sort of weird weight fluctuation.  Still, if I haven’t achieved my goal, I’ve at least gotten close.  I’m starting to feel fairly proud of myself.  I really wasn’t sure I could do it.  Now the hardest part is ahead.  The closer I get to a weight where I settle, the harder it will be to lose.  I knew that when I started, and I am expecting that going forward.  But I think I can do it.  The past 10 months have proven that.

[Walk #72]

Daily Log: 28 May 2024

   28 May 2024  Leave a Comment on Daily Log: 28 May 2024

Weight: 268.8 lbs/121.93 kg

Exercise: 3.28 mile/5.28 km walk (5:41am–7:00am, ☀️64ºF/17.5ºC)

Mindfulness: 5 minute outdoor meditation (7:02am–7:07am)

Mood: Excellent

Food: 1970 calories

  • horchata coffee
  • steamed broccoli, lettuce, jalapeños, Taco Bell Fire Hot Sauce
  • bean & rice burritos
  • salad: lettuce, jalapeños, Taco Bell Fire Hot Sauce
  • Happy Belly SF Pink Lemonade