Tag: rural

The Wandering Hermit: Sleeping All Day At Home

   16 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Sleeping All Day At Home

I nearly didn’t get my walk in today!  That would have been upsetting.

It was nice to be home, but I was enjoying my visit with family so much that I didn’t want it to end.  All good things, I suppose…

I did a nice evening walk.  It was still a little too warm, but I needed to get the steps in.  I had slept all day.  I felt energetic the entire time I was in Canute—I woke up early, slept fantastically well, felt like I ate enough.  Then I get home and slipped right into a coma.  I guess I was just holding it together with hope and nostalgia!  Or maybe it is the allergens in Central Oklahoma that when reintroduced made me feel like I always feel, fighting an uphill battle!  Still, it is always nice to sleep in familiar surroundings, to have your own food in the fridge, to have all the sounds you expect in your home at night.  All of that.  

I’m looking forward to doing a lot more travel, but I don’t imagine I will ever tire of just coming home.  It’s such a wonderful feeling.

[Walk #125]

The Wandering Hermit: Grounded

   14 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Grounded

This morning brought on a sense of calm I was missing for a couple of days.  I slept so well.  My legs felt drained and my mind clear.  Brent has the thermostat set really low, almost too cold to be comfortable.  But it makes sleep easy, and I felt like I could breath all night.  My morning felt hopeful after that.

Last night, I spent hours talking to cousins again.  It’s what one does when they haven’t spent time with people in many years.  It was such a nice talk, but I did keep getting little reminders of how different our worldviews are.  I was already aware of everyone’s fairly—or extremely—conservative views, but sometimes it came up in off-putting ways.  I think the euphoria of the first day needed—demanded in fact—that kind of grounding.  I don’t want to move forward in my relationship with my family members with some kind of façade layered on everything.  They are real, tangible, flawed.  All of that is what I appreciate most about them.  I am all of those things too, and I would assume they’d feel similar about views I hold that oppose their own.  I don’t voice those things though.  I can handle being in a competitive talking environment, but I’m a spectator and not a participant.

We might stay here another day.  That’s fine, but I didn’t pack clothes for that exactly. There is a washer & dryer here, so I could use that.  I’ve been trying to stay here very gently.  I don’t want to take up too much space or use things in the house.  I realize Dad’s cousin is never here anymore, so she doesn’t care.  But I know her.  I know how she is and how she feels about things that I have trouble getting on board with.  It’s Sunday and even in agreement there were guilt trips concerning going to service at her church this morning.  I avoided her and the topic altogether.  I didn’t pack for that, and I’m not really interested.  I still might get dragged there, but I’d rather not.  And I don’t want to feel guilty for that.  I have the reasons I have for the decisions I make.  And I won’t take judgment for that.  So, we’re staying at her house.  I don’t want to be disrespectful when I know me being here would bother her.  It’s a weird position to be in.  She’s always been like that though.  I’m not coming to a new understanding; I’m just realizing what that means when it comes to asking for her hospitality.  That said, she’d give it if I asked.

[Walk #123]

The Wandering Hermit: The Cousins Reunite on Route 66

   13 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The Cousins Reunite on Route 66

Canute is so small, but it certainly doesn’t need to be larger.  I walked through town and then down Route 66, to the water tower, and back to the house where I’m staying.  It was perfect weather for a walk.  Clear, cool.  Perfect.  

I got a good reminder last night that sometimes what you need is family.  I spent the evening talking to my cousins, and I hadn’t expected to see them at all.  It was nice.  It’s great to be around people who don’t need to catch up to get back to enjoying each other’s company.  The last time we were all together was in 2000.  Sadly, Rechelle passed in 2017.   She should be here.  But the rest of us will all be together again, and I love that.

I feel fantastic this morning.  I slept well, if briefly, and feel energized for my day.  The Alaska folks are still asleep, which is to be expected, but today promises to be a nice day.  I may do some additional exercising this evening, but I’m going to try to remain present with family, so I may not.

[Walk #122]

The Wandering Hermit: Preparing for the Rest of Summer

   29 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Preparing for the Rest of Summer

It’s entirely too warm; the next month is going to be rough if I base things on this morning.  The watch told me it was 79ºF, which is already too warm for me, but the gravel was still radiating heat from yesterday and so it felt a little like standing in front of the dryer while pulling out clothes.  It’s not exactly unbearable, but it’s a lot of heat coming from unusual angles.

Speaking of clothes, sorta… I’m in the midst of a plateau at the moment.  They happen; in fact, they happen a lot.  But I break through them eventually so I’m not stressed about it.  I wanted to wait until I was down to 250 pounds before I got some new clothes, but it seems like I’m just inching my way down to that, so I broke down and got a few shirts, a couple pairs of shorts, and some leggings.  That should do for the summer; I am still hoping to get some stuff that fits better later this year.  Some people have been bothered by my threadbare shirts and ripped sweatpants.  Those things don’t bother me, but I am honestly annoyed by the fit of my clothes.  It is definitely past the point where I like how everything just hangs on me.  That was a nice reminder of progress, but it can be annoying, especially pants that never want to stay up.

Yesterday, I went from being mildly under the weather to fully feeling sick and then better by the time I went to bed.  I’m still feeling it, but my body seems to be handling the threat pretty well.  I’ll probably spend the day hydrating and not doing a whole lot.  I always have a lot to do, but I don’t want to push myself and then end up getting sick.  That’s far less convenient than taking things a little easier for a couple of days.

[Walk #105]

The Wandering Hermit: Walk #100

   25 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Walk #100

This was my 100th walk!  It’s hard to believe I’ve done so many.  I decided to start doing a daily walk 1 April 2024, but it was rainy and so I officially started on 3 April, doing half a mile on a good day.  It wasn’t until 7 May that I finally started walking past the bridge that crosses over the creek and started walking up to the neighbor’s house and back.  On 11 May, I walked to the next road down, a mile away.  19 May, I crossed Fairgrounds, the cross street I live on, walking down a bit and back to the neighbor’s house.  Since 28 May, my habit has been always to walk to the next road from here, in any direction, and back.  That makes the walks 2-3.3 miles, depending on the direction I go.  This morning, I did 4.32 miles, walking East to Prairie Rd, North to Yost Rd, West to Fairgrounds Rd, & South to Burris Rd.  That is a little unusual because I was doing it to celebrate 100 walks, but I felt great afterward and was not short of breath or overly exhausted.  What I’m not trying to be cautious of is not continuing to increase the distance for no reason.  3 miles feels really good.  4 was a nice amount this morning, but I had started constantly checking my watch at about 3.5 to see when it would be over.

This is all probably painfully obvious to people who are already pretty active, but I started at not being able to walk out to the car without having to stop to catch my breath.  Being able to do any of this seems remarkable to me.  I’ve been thinking about my next steps.  Like I said, after 3 miles I was ready for the walk to be over, but it wasn’t because I was overly tired.  I was bored.  So, it might behoove me to add an evening walk as well.  That would definitely be easier on joining a gym.  I like the idea of walking 5:15am-6:15am & 5:15pm-6:15pm.  It is so hot this week, that I don’t think I’ll be able to test that out though.  Maybe I’ll try running in place with a fan blowing directly on me!  

I’m proud of myself.  I didn’t know if I could do it, but I was determined to try and feel like I finally figured out something I wish I had learned 20 years ago.  I could dwell in that regret, but that won’t actually alter the reality of my life.  Instead, I’ll take that knowledge and make a future from it.  

[Walk #100]

The Wandering Hermit: Careful! Don’t Bully Yourself

   23 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Careful! Don’t Bully Yourself

I was talking to my brother after yesterday’s morning walk.  I mentioned that I tried to take a photo on every walk, just as a part of my recent practice of having daily habits, but that as it was my 97th walk since I started I was out of things to take a photo of.  This morning, I decided that was a silly thing to say.  It was a silly thing to think in fact, so I found a huge number of things to take a picture of today and I didn’t go far out of my way.  I did slow my pace, stopping frequently to get a good shot of a particular plant or the right angle of the road.  And it was a nice relaxed morning.  I’m positive that not every morning needs to be about my pace & speed, but I still tried to make up for that by going a little bit longer than usual.  

During a recent video by Mike Pridgen (Mike Needs a Plan), he reminded his viewers to avoid self deprecating humor about themselves.  I’ve been thinking about that; I don’t know if I 100% agree, but I think I’m much closer to that than I used to be.  One of the traits I value most about myself is that I don’t take myself too seriously.  I think there is a difference though between acknowledging the silly things I do, an laughing about them, and taking shots at myself that are unwarranted.  It’s a nice reminder to not tear myself down.  I’m definitely guilty of that.  I find that the older I get, the more I appreciate things that are deemed corny in youth.  I like being positive.  I like being happy.  

The temperatures are going to be intense all week.  I haven’t lost my commitment to not having excuses for my daily walks, so it’ll be interesting to see how well I get on in the sweltering heat.  I do normally walk early enough that it isn’t too warm yet, but it was 74ºF/23.5ºC this morning and while it didn’t feel as bad as yesterday, it was still warmer than I would have liked it to be.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I stopped complaining about it!

[Walk #98]

The Wandering Hermit: 2×7 or 5x?—It All Depends

   19 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: 2×7 or 5x?—It All Depends

I woke up at 4:50am, but I didn’t get up for my walk right away since it looked like it would be rainy and I thought I’d let it pass first.  I should have just gotten up and done the thing.  I prefer walking as early as possible and it never did much more than drip here and there, which was still happening when I gave up and decided to get started.

Brent (my older brother) finally got an Apple Watch, and of course on the first day he used it he got in a 5 mile walk.  I’m not sure if he is being competitive.  He knows I do 2 miles every morning, but if he is then he forgot that I am not competitive at all.  My m.o. has always been to compete enough for you to feel like your win was justified, but I’m not interested in beating you at whatever it is.  If my walks make Brent walk a little more than me to show me up, then I stay that is great.  In that scenario, I am doing what I can to help.

I still haven’t figured out an afternoon workout, but I could just be doing more walking in the afternoon.  It’s too warm for that at the moment unless I go ahead and join a gym.  I don’t want to lose myself though; I fear a little that a gym environment would so take me out of the world as to make me start not knowing who I even am.  Of course, nobody said I can’t still do my morning walks outside.  And nobody said a gym is even required.  When I belonged to one before, it was motivating because I didn’t want to waste the money each month, so I’d go just enough to make it feel like I wasn’t doing that—3 or 4 times a week.  I think I feel the same now.  It could also be a goal for getting down to 250 pounds—that’s only 17 pounds away.  That would also give me some time to decide if I can really afford it.

[Walk #94]

The Wandering Hermit: The Scissortails Exist for Themselves

   18 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The Scissortails Exist for Themselves

The wind blew like an hyper child this morning.  There were gusts that caught me by surprise almost enough to cause me to lose my footing.  I love the wind, but something about the warm air moving that quickly unnerves me a little bit.  I think it’s possibly just the knowledge of the extreme heat to come, or maybe there is something inherently mischievous about warm winds, a sentience I can perceive.  I prefer a bit of cool air rushing at me.

During my walk I could hear the scissortails chirping in the field on the south side of the road, and my instinct was to say to myself Oh! the scissortails are serenading me on my walk. But then I remembered Alfred Russel Wallace in Papua New Guinea.  He had seen the many species commonly known as birds of paradise and remarked:

“I thought of the long ages of the past, during which the successive generations of this little creature had run their course year by year of being born, and living and dying amid these dark and gloomy woods, with no intelligent eye to gaze upon their loveliness—to all appearance such a wanton waste of beauty.  Such ideas excite a feeling of melancholy.  It seems sad that on the one hand such exquisite creatures should live out their lives and exhibit their charms only in these wild inhospitable regions, doomed for ages yet to come to hopeless barbarism; while on the other hand, should civilized man ever reach these distant lands, and bring moral, intellectual, and physical light into the recesses of these virgin forests, we may be sure that he will so disturb the nicely-balanced relations of organic and inorganic nature as to cause the disappearance, and finally the extinction, of these very beings whose wonderful structure and beauty he alone is fitted to appreciate and enjoy.  This consideration must surely tell us that all living things were not made for man.  Many of them have no relation to him.  The cycle of their existence has gone on independently of his, and is disturbed or broken by every advance in man’s intellectual development; and their happiness and enjoyment, their loves and hates, their struggles for existence, their vigorous life and early death, would seem to be immediately related to their own well-being and perpetuation of the numberless other organisms with which each is more or less intimately connected.” (from The Malay Archipelago, 1869)

I thought of that and how these Texas birds of paradise have no use of me, no urge to sing for me.  In fact, on many mornings they might wish I would not disturb their courtships, and they would be correct.  They are a decent enough example of a bird that is not necessarily harmed to a great degree by the presence of humans, but neither are they particularly helped.  I’ve adopted the image of a scissortail as part of my own business because it is a part of the place where I live, a native part of the ecosystem—evolved to thrive here, and I have a lot of respect for that.  So, it’s lovely to hear them chirp to one another at dawn, but I should know my place and stay in it.

My pace continues to improve.  During the second mile of this morning’s walk, I was just under 20 minutes per mile, which is my quickest yet.  I was stomping down the street for sure, but I never felt like I was overdoing it or racing.  I just felt confident in my stride and walked as quickly as I was comfortable.  I went to Brush Creek Rd & back, an the only issue with that route is how flat it is, the flattest of my paths.  It’s hard to get my heart rate up consistently on the one, but I didn’t have that issue this morning.  I thought I had; the strong winds kept my shirt dry, so I was surprised when I finished to see that my heart rate was about the same as yesterday’s when I was just drenched in sweat.  That quick pace probably helped.  

Protein shakes.  What do I do with a protein shake.  So, Justin doesn’t love vegetables as much as I do, so an easy way to address that has been to add protein shakes to his daily meal plans.  He seems to enjoy them.  But I’ve been trying to have them as well (because I won’t ask him to do anything in a meal plan that I won’t do) and I cannot seem to get them to taste quite right… or maybe this is what they always taste like and I just can’t handle it.  I enjoy premade things like Soylent or similar products, but mixing protein powder just doesn’t do it for me.  I want it to do more for me though, so I’m going to keep trying to find ways to make it work.

[Walk #93]

The Wandering Hermit: Warm Walks & Good Apps

   14 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Warm Walks & Good Apps

This morning was beautiful, but a little too warm for as early as it was when I set out.  It was a warning to keep the A/C running and stay inside today.  But it was an invigorating walk, and it ended with running into Justin who had decided on his own to go out and walk.  He was doing the area between the mailbox and Fairgrounds Rd, back and forth.  I’m not sure how long his walk was, but I was so proud to see him out there doing it without my prodding or involvement.  Good job, Justin! 

Why didn’t I do this sooner?  I’ve been craving a system to do my journaling and to keep track of everything in a centralized way.  For a long time, I used Notes to do everything.  It’s still full of writing and links and notes to myself.  But Notes has limitations and as I started adding things like a daily health log and a journaling habit, it became increasingly clear that I needed something that could handle that information a little better.  I worry about using third party apps and blogging websites.  They are often better, but they also have a habit of shutting down and leaving the users with no place to go.  It’s annoying to have to rebuild a following.  That’s why I started my own websites years ago, and I still think they are the best place for my thoughts, even when the readership is low.  But they aren’t the solution for my daily needs.  I’ve been using Day One for two weeks now, and so far it is nearly perfect for most of what I do.  There are some significant things it cannot handle, but I also understand why it has those limitations.  Primarily, formatting is extremely basic on Day One, lacking even the ability to center text.  For 99.9% of applications, I imagine that is fine.  For me, a writer who likes to play around with justifications and spaces, it is a hinderance.  But I still have my trusty TextEdit to use, and pairing the two is fine for now.  I don’t love that the work I already have will have to be formatted incorrectly or not added to the compiled journal, but it is what it is.  No app is perfect; this one is just better than the others I’ve tried.

[Walk #89]

The Wandering Hermit: The House Next Door

   13 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The House Next Door

I’m trying to shift my thinking.  A few weeks ago I was happy in my ignorance about my future.  I’ve been there before; sometimes it’s nice to just know that you’re about to let the wind take you and to not be all that concerned with the outcome.  But as soon as I was presented with a plan, I started to settle on it and when it looked like that would no longer be possible, I felt like something had been taken from me, forgetting how recently I had been content to ride the wind.  So, let’s reset and regroup.  I’m not interested in the kinds of stress I was allowing in.  I need to remember myself.

I do not know where I will end up once we sell the house and move on.  And at this point, I’m not sure I want to know.  This morning I was thinking about how much I’ll miss living out here in some ways.  It’s not my dream, and it is very inconvenient to me, but it is nice and peaceful.  We are on the corner of Fairgrounds Rd & Burris Rd.  The house across Fairgrounds is nostalgic to me.  My grandpa used to take us on drives on the gravel roads of Payne County on this side of Stillwater.  We might end up driving through Glencoe or Pawnee or Morrison before returning, but that house was one of the landmarks I remember from then; it’s one of the few things that has been the same for all these years.  Most of the houses out here are much newer.  It was at first a little surreal living across the street from that house.  It’s almost like having an old imaginary friend move in down the street.  It existed in my mind, but I had no reason to drive out here before my parents moved here, so I didn’t know if my memory was real or if it was all a creation of my mind.  It’s not a particularly interesting house.  There’s nothing fantastical or noteworthy about it, but for many years it was just a part of those moments spent with Papa, and more recently it’s where the people with the horses that like to escape live.  And soon I’ll leave this place and I won’t see it all the time.  And I wonder if I’ll still remember it fondly or if it has lost its meaning.

I think walking has been good for me.  Sure, it’s been great for my physical health, but I think it has helped me mentally.  It is often over-emphasized that walking is good for mental health, but it’s not wrong.  It seems to allow my brain to sort things out.  I wonder if there is something unique about the action of walking or is it the traversing of a distance.  I’m going to be joining a gym soon and doing my walking there much of the time; I wonder if I will see the same benefits in mental health or if I need to be out in the world.  I used to do an hour of walking daily at a gym in Anchorage, Alaska.  I wasn’t in the same place mentally when I started, so I don’t know that I noticed any shifts.  After spending years depressed, anything was going to feel monumental, but the walking has helped quite a bit.

I’m not sure what to do to get started with running, but I am interested if it is possible.  I tried it for a minute during my walk, but felt like it was too jarring when I hit the ground.  Maybe I’m just not used to it, but it was unpleasant.  It felt doable in general otherwise.  It didn’t hurt or cause my to not be able to breathe, which had been my primary concern.  I’ll look into it.  It seems weird that I couldn’t just start running.  I feel unequipped.  But I also am slightly amazed that I’m even interested in trying it out.  I keep saying it, but it is true: I cannot believe that one year ago I could barely walk at all and now I want to walk everywhere.  

[Walk #88]