Tag: payne county

The Wandering Hermit: The House Next Door

   13 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The House Next Door

I’m trying to shift my thinking.  A few weeks ago I was happy in my ignorance about my future.  I’ve been there before; sometimes it’s nice to just know that you’re about to let the wind take you and to not be all that concerned with the outcome.  But as soon as I was presented with a plan, I started to settle on it and when it looked like that would no longer be possible, I felt like something had been taken from me, forgetting how recently I had been content to ride the wind.  So, let’s reset and regroup.  I’m not interested in the kinds of stress I was allowing in.  I need to remember myself.

I do not know where I will end up once we sell the house and move on.  And at this point, I’m not sure I want to know.  This morning I was thinking about how much I’ll miss living out here in some ways.  It’s not my dream, and it is very inconvenient to me, but it is nice and peaceful.  We are on the corner of Fairgrounds Rd & Burris Rd.  The house across Fairgrounds is nostalgic to me.  My grandpa used to take us on drives on the gravel roads of Payne County on this side of Stillwater.  We might end up driving through Glencoe or Pawnee or Morrison before returning, but that house was one of the landmarks I remember from then; it’s one of the few things that has been the same for all these years.  Most of the houses out here are much newer.  It was at first a little surreal living across the street from that house.  It’s almost like having an old imaginary friend move in down the street.  It existed in my mind, but I had no reason to drive out here before my parents moved here, so I didn’t know if my memory was real or if it was all a creation of my mind.  It’s not a particularly interesting house.  There’s nothing fantastical or noteworthy about it, but for many years it was just a part of those moments spent with Papa, and more recently it’s where the people with the horses that like to escape live.  And soon I’ll leave this place and I won’t see it all the time.  And I wonder if I’ll still remember it fondly or if it has lost its meaning.

I think walking has been good for me.  Sure, it’s been great for my physical health, but I think it has helped me mentally.  It is often over-emphasized that walking is good for mental health, but it’s not wrong.  It seems to allow my brain to sort things out.  I wonder if there is something unique about the action of walking or is it the traversing of a distance.  I’m going to be joining a gym soon and doing my walking there much of the time; I wonder if I will see the same benefits in mental health or if I need to be out in the world.  I used to do an hour of walking daily at a gym in Anchorage, Alaska.  I wasn’t in the same place mentally when I started, so I don’t know that I noticed any shifts.  After spending years depressed, anything was going to feel monumental, but the walking has helped quite a bit.

I’m not sure what to do to get started with running, but I am interested if it is possible.  I tried it for a minute during my walk, but felt like it was too jarring when I hit the ground.  Maybe I’m just not used to it, but it was unpleasant.  It felt doable in general otherwise.  It didn’t hurt or cause my to not be able to breathe, which had been my primary concern.  I’ll look into it.  It seems weird that I couldn’t just start running.  I feel unequipped.  But I also am slightly amazed that I’m even interested in trying it out.  I keep saying it, but it is true: I cannot believe that one year ago I could barely walk at all and now I want to walk everywhere.  

[Walk #88]

The Wandering Hermit: A Friendly Man

   4 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: A Friendly Man

A nice man stopped to ask how many miles I walk each morning.  I see his truck pass often, but I thought it was nice to have someone stop to say hi.  I hope he has a nice day.  I thought about telling him how I’d lost so much weight and how my health journey was partly sparked by turning 44 and realizing that Grandpa Fuchs died at 45, and Dad started having heart attacks regularly in his 40s.  I don’t know if I will have staved off those things, but it did start to narrow my perspective and remind me that I probably won’t live forever, despite my insistence to do so.  So, no, I just chose mild self-deprecation instead, downplaying my 2 miles as trivial before he moved on.

Justin joined me on my walk again this morning, but he only got in one mile.  He didn’t sleep again last night, a problem he’s been having.  It’s hard to be productive with such a small amount of sleep.

The world is muddy today.  I wasn’t entirely sure how much it had rained last night, but more than I anticipated.  It made my paths awkward and short, so I had to just do the small bit in front of the house.  And really that was fine.  It had been a few days since I did that one.

[Walk #79]

The Wandering Hermit: Flitting About In The Trees

   3 June 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Flitting About In The Trees

A storm was passing by to the South as I started on my walk, which made for a dramatic start.  Near the end of my walk, there were scissortails flitting about between a group of red cedars and the fence across the street.  At one point, a hawk flew overhead with a scissortail chasing after him.  They kept popping in and out of view for a few moments, but of course as soon as I’d get my phone out I wouldn’t see them anymore.  And they’d show up as soon as I gave up.  I assume the hawk was chased off successfully; ahead a bit, the males continued flitting about, trying to catch the eyes of the females.

Today’s walk was good, but I was having a difficult time with the gravel.  You would think they had enlarged it overnight; I was slipping on it terribly.  I’m looking forward to walking somewhere paved.  It’s unfortunate because I love my walks out here for the things I see, but they are quite hard on my feet.

Yesterday I kept having the feeling that I just couldn’t believe the day was still going.  I’m usually incapable of processing more than one task in a day.  It all feels overwhelming and the days slip by so quickly—a bit of ADHD.  It was such a strange feeling and I wonder if it has to do with regular exercise.  Look, I know I’m not running marathons each morning.  I’m not doing bodybuilding…. I’m just walking, and really at the end of the day 2 miles isn’t even all that much walking.  But it’s huge for me.  I started walking at the beginning of April.  My goal was to walk everyday, to set a reasonable goal that I could achieve, and do as much as I could do before I thought I needed to stop (pain or whatever).  During that first week, I was averaging .75 miles per walk.  And that was all I could do.  That was a huge change from August 2023 when I walked to the end of the house and back and it was wiped out for the rest of the day.  Or October 2023, when I was using my exercise bike.  I looked at my log and I had one days of 14 minutes and one of 16 minutes, and I remember those being monumentally huge accomplishments.  So, my three quarter mile walks in April felt like a pretty big deal.  At this point, I’m doing 2 miles each morning.  I’m focused more on pace than on increasing that distance, but I’ll also increase the distance soon probably.  

What I’m feeling most ready for, rather than upsetting my walking routine, is doing some other types of exercise later in the day.  Of course, I have no clue where to start.  That is still what the internet is for—until it starts generating nonsensical workout routines for me via AI.  But the info in out there.  I’m ready to go find it.  And I’m ready to fill my days with things to do.  If there are really this many hours in a day, I’m both excited about my future and a little disappointed in my past.  Such is life.

[Walk #78]

The Wandering Hermit: The Mysteries of Katie Lane

   25 May 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The Mysteries of Katie Lane

Today started much better than yesterday, but a little late as far as I’m concerned.  I was a full hour late on my walking routine, but my head feels much clearer today.  I walked down Burris/VFW Rd, intending to go down to Prairie Rd again, but when I got to Katie Ln, about halfway between Fairgrounds Rd & Prairie Rd, I decided to include it on my walk.  I had never been down that road and assumed it was a short road with maybe three homes, but not only was it about a quarter mile down, but then the road continued down into the trees winding around, crossing the creek and ending at one final house way down in a secluded spot.  In a way, it’s a perfect spot for a home.  I like that they chose to go across the creek, so they’ve insulated themselves on all sides.  Of course, it’s also one of those places where the kids of the people who built it shoot first and ask questions later, but it was early and I didn’t actually go all the way up to the property.  

Since my walk was slightly later, I saw several people outside—two running and one man working in his yard.  I rarely see anyone out on my walks.  I also encountered the three dogs on the corner.  The little pug was the friendliest of the guys, but they were all pretty gregarious.  They tend to act tough when they see me from a distance, but when our paths crossed they were a little pack of sweethearts.  I worry about them being on the road.  Too many dogs have gotten hit by cars out here.  Now that I’ve interacted with them, I’ll probably make a point to walk by to see them in the morning.  

My legs are shrinking, but not very fast.  It’s starting to bother me because I’ve not seen as dramatic a change in my legs as I have elsewhere…. don’t get me wrong, they are definitely smaller than they used to be, but they remain firm when other areas have softened and I’m eager for them to start reducing.  I just don’t know how or even if it is possible.  Maybe this is permanent.  I’m actually okay with that, but I’d like to at least know.

[Walk #69]

The Wandering Hermit: Almost To Richmond Rd & Back

   22 May 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Almost To Richmond Rd & Back

It’s a rainy morning, but I got in 3 miles before the heavy rain started.  Most of my walk was little more than a sprinkle or two here and there.  There was a bit where it rained a little, but that wasn’t a problem.

This morning, I went south on Fairgrounds.  My goal was to go to Richmond Rd and back, but that’s a mile and a half, so I decided to head back.  I was aware that storms were possible from 7am to 10am, so I didn’t really want to be caught in them.  Once I got back to the house though, I could see the storm clouds coming, but also had enough time that I walked until I had to come in.  I would have been fine if I had just gone all the way to Richmond Rd.  Oh well.  Live and learn.

[Walk #62]

The Wandering Hermit: Walks With Mom In The Morning

   19 May 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Walks With Mom In The Morning

I had a nice walk this morning; I decided to go East on Burris, which I hadn’t done.  I think I’ve only driven that way once or twice and I live on the corner.  I liked it because of the hills; the only concern I might have walking that way is those two little dogs that live across the street on Fairgrounds.  I’m not concerned about what they might do to me—they are far too small for that—but I don’t really want to distress them unnecessarily.  I’ve been saying I need to go meet them, but I walk so early that I don’t think about it.  I think it might be better if they knew who I was walking by.  In order to walk that direction, I have to walk in their line of sight for a while.  As long as I keep that part of the morning to before 6, I should be okay.  They get let out when the sun comes up.  I have a strong preference for not walking in front of people’s houses if I don’t have to.  I can walk half a mile that direction and only cross one driveway, and that house is set pretty far back.  

It’s been six years without Mom, but honestly I don’t feel like that exactly.  She’s my constant companion, especially on my morning walks.  It’s interesting when we dwell on those we miss.  Mom is my morning companion.  Dad is with me in the late evening.  I know that has a lot to do with my associations with when they were active, but I’m not sure it’s only that either.  Why do my grandparents each have their own full season on the calendar, like some kind of mythology I’ve formed?  We are in the midst of the transition from Mimi to Pap in fact.  Why?  When I think about that, Mom being dawn and Dad being dusk feels pretty natural.

The passing on a calendar of a day doesn’t really cause me any extra stress.  I don’t need to be reminded; I never forgot.  But I have had a stressful week otherwise.  I know that weight loss can cause hormonal issues, so I’m not sure if that is what has been going on, but I have been all over the place mentally.  And I lack the patience I usually have.  Everyone else has managed to make that about themselves, and I cannot help that.  Sometimes I just need space and quiet.  On paper it would seem like I have those things.  In practice, I do not.  I’m not entirely sure how to set proper boundaries anymore.

[Walk #59]