Tag: motivation

The Wandering Hermit: Building Rome

I’ve been thinking about schedules since my walk yesterday.  I do tend to obsess over things.  I need the structure.  I have a tendency to never get something done if I’m not operating within a strict schedule, and I am never doing that!

I have a slight amount of swelling in my legs at the moment.  I don’t know if I’ve overdone things this week or if I’m having a histamine response.  I’ll keep an eye on it; I don’t want to cause myself problems by being overly ambitious.  And I’m not sure it’s unusual, but my legs have looked better for a while, so it is concerning me.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and all that.

I’ve gotten lazy with food lately.  Not reckless, but lazy.  I started using Cronometer instead of writing things down in a notebook and I think it has just allowed me to pay less attention to what I’m doing.  I think I need to go back to the notebook actually.  It isn’t hard to track calories; I thought an app would help by showing me nutrient breakdowns of my day.  It does do that, and I can plug that in anytime I want.  But I feel more connected to my day’s meals when I’m responsible for writing everything down and weighing it all.

[Walk #103]

The Wandering Hermit: Stupid Stuff That Doesn’t Matter & Extra Miles

This afternoon was much less disorienting than my morning was.  I feel a little like I really can do anything I want to do in life.  Getting in an extra mile takes very little time, but it was a bit on the hot side.  I think saving that walk for dusk is a much better plan.  It takes less than half an hour and I feel great.  Now, that means I’m taking showers all day, but I like doing that anyway so I guess that’s not really a problem.

I was thinking that I need to start making a schedule.  Having my whole life up in the air makes me want to take some control in any way I am able.  I think the easiest thing is to start making a full day’s schedule.  It has been working for mornings.  I schedule my days from 5am to 8am, but then I just let the rest of the day happen.  Sometimes I get a lot accomplished and sometimes I get hung up doing stupid stuff that doesn’t matter.  The stupid stuff that doesn’t matter is an important part of life, but not as often as I do it now.  Having a detailed schedule would be nice…. and I already enjoy overplanning, so scheduling works well with that.

[Walk #102]

The Wandering Hermit: People of the Dawn, People of the Dusk

I woke up feeling just fantastic!  I like waking up with so much mental energy, but of course it tends to fade in a couple of hours and I sort of have to regain it later in the morning.  Still, it starts strong.

Last night, I thought I might wake up and drive somewhere to do my walk.  I keep wanting to do that, but I basically burst awake ready to get going and it seems a waste to not take advantage of that energy.  I’ll definitely have to give that a try soon.

I keep thinking about how some people are active early in the morning and others are active late into the night.  Every time I talk to one of my brothers, they’ve been up too late or have a list of things planned to do late into the night.  Dad was always up until 2 or 3am, waking up for his day around noon.  Grandma Fuchs was the same.  But then Mimi, Mom’s mom, would be sitting in the family room each morning before dawn—lights still off, just sipping her Folgers coffee and enjoying the quiet of her own company.  Mom was also an early riser and I guess I’ve just carried on that tradition.  Whether there is an innate difference between people or if we are just adaptable, I’m not sure.  All I do know is that I’ll take the dawn.  It makes me happy.

I’m wondering if I should be looking forward to simplicity after moving or if that is foolish.  Maybe I should be expecting more chaos; at least then it would be more difficult to be disappointed in the outcome.  I find it challenging to not be optimistic, something I’ve seen as a shortcoming.  Optimism isn’t cool.  It’s sometimes a hinderance.  But I would rather look forward to something good and believe it will happen than be down about everything all the time.  Bad stuff is going to happen whether I worry about it or not; it feels silly to go through anything once in my mind before it happens again in reality.  

[Walk #99]

The Wandering Hermit: Careful! Don’t Bully Yourself

I was talking to my brother after yesterday’s morning walk.  I mentioned that I tried to take a photo on every walk, just as a part of my recent practice of having daily habits, but that as it was my 97th walk since I started I was out of things to take a photo of.  This morning, I decided that was a silly thing to say.  It was a silly thing to think in fact, so I found a huge number of things to take a picture of today and I didn’t go far out of my way.  I did slow my pace, stopping frequently to get a good shot of a particular plant or the right angle of the road.  And it was a nice relaxed morning.  I’m positive that not every morning needs to be about my pace & speed, but I still tried to make up for that by going a little bit longer than usual.  

During a recent video by Mike Pridgen (Mike Needs a Plan), he reminded his viewers to avoid self deprecating humor about themselves.  I’ve been thinking about that; I don’t know if I 100% agree, but I think I’m much closer to that than I used to be.  One of the traits I value most about myself is that I don’t take myself too seriously.  I think there is a difference though between acknowledging the silly things I do, an laughing about them, and taking shots at myself that are unwarranted.  It’s a nice reminder to not tear myself down.  I’m definitely guilty of that.  I find that the older I get, the more I appreciate things that are deemed corny in youth.  I like being positive.  I like being happy.  

The temperatures are going to be intense all week.  I haven’t lost my commitment to not having excuses for my daily walks, so it’ll be interesting to see how well I get on in the sweltering heat.  I do normally walk early enough that it isn’t too warm yet, but it was 74ºF/23.5ºC this morning and while it didn’t feel as bad as yesterday, it was still warmer than I would have liked it to be.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I stopped complaining about it!

[Walk #98]

The Wandering Hermit: Never “Give Up”

I’m feeling motivated this morning!  It’s a good place to be.  I woke up a few minutes early and went ahead and did my walk.  It almost feels absurd to be out before 5am, but I like the early morning hours.  

This is a little preachy, but I was thinking about a concept that frustrate me, “Let go and let God.” What a convenient way to take no responsibility or accountability in one’s life.  It’s interesting that people who tend to adhere so strongly to this idea from the Bible (Ephesians 3:20) aren’t so generous when it comes to the lives of others.  They don’t just let God’s will be when it doesn’t align with their beliefs.  So, it strikes me that they don’t actually trust in some sort of divine order of things, but that they don’t want to grow up and take responsibility for their lives.  These are the cherry pickers who will find the contradictions and seize on them, hanging up decor with convenient quotes.  But they forget Galatians 6:5 “For we are each responsible for our own conduct.”  Or worse, 1 Timothy 5:8 “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith.  Such people are worse than unbelievers.”  This concept already lives in the English language in the term giving up.  “To give up” was, and I would argue still is, “To give up to God.”  And I’m not interested in entertaining moral justifications for giving up.  This train of thought frustrated me in the first place.  I don’t want to spend this much mental energy on people who annoy me, but these people spend a lot of their own physical energy trying to annoy people I care about.  It’s hard to not get frustrated with them.

Today is our local Pride event.  I’ve never been, which is ridiculous and I don’t really have time to go today.  However, I’m making the time to go and at least check things out.  I’m looking forward to it and hope that next year I just make the time and go with an open schedule!

I’ve been a little more relaxed on my walks for the past couple of days.  I’m trying to not overdo anything.  When I really push myself, I feel that all day and I don’t want to create any issues that will cause genuine problems.  So, I backed off a little.  Walking 7 days a week isn’t even completely necessary from my understanding, but as long as I’m choosing to do that I’m not going to try and beat myself daily.  Steady progress is best, and that always happens within a range that just trends in the right direction.

I had started using Cronometer to track my food, but I’m far less likely to enter things in than I was to just write them down.  I may need to go back to the notebook.  I’ll give it another week and see.  I like the nutrient breakdown from the app, but I tend to remember the handwritten tracking better.

[Walk #97]

The Wandering Hermit: Breathe It Out

This morning’s walk felt like walking through someone’s hot breath.  The value of joining a gym feels increasingly apparent.  I sometimes find myself defensive of Oklahoma because of the long Spring & Fall, but I do forget about late June & all of July.  It always comes as a surprise.

I was listening again to The Book of Pride this morning, a collection of stories written from interviews with LGBTQ folks who made their contributions in the past 50 years during the LGBTQ Rights Era.  It’s fascinating to hear their stories, but it had me once again thinking about something I periodically want to sit down and hash out—who are my own life’s “thought leaders” or influences?  What books or poems would be a part of the canon of a book on how to be more like Brian?  I think about doing that often, and wish I would have done it annually.  I would love to know who I thought I was by way of lists in 2002.  What did that guy know about anything?  And isn’t it interesting that my list today would have so many influential health people on it, but only a year ago I wouldn’t have known who they were.  We are all always changing and evolving.  

Meal planning has been going frustratingly poorly.  Justin asked me to help, but it seems like what he wants from me is to tell him that eating junk food will help him lose weight, and there are no restrictions on amounts.  I do honestly believe that it doesn’t matter what a person eats as long as they are mindful of a few key things. 

  1. Calories—It’s been a meme for decades.  I always think about Rhoda Morgenstern on The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  On the show, she was frequently dieting and that dieting consisted of eating fewer calories an moving more.  That advice was true then and it is true now.  That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is simple.  Being in a calorie deficit is how all diets work.  Doing it in a way you enjoy is how to make those “diets” into healthy lifestyles.
  1. Fiber—I’ll have to look up some of the research I’ve seen on fiber to bolster my claims here (this is just my thoughts, so I’m not trying to make claims), but fiber has been correlated with positive health outcomes over and over.  And while doctors already champion fiber as important for health, I will not be surprised at all in the future when we find further evidence of fiber’s health benefits.
  1. Water—You need more water.  The fiber needs it to work its way through your body and your body needs water in order to breath most effectively.  We lose a lot of water during breathing, so drinking more water is important for that alone.  Breathing is how 80% of fat is lost, so it’s extremely important.
  1. Enjoy—There is a huge spectrum between mindless binging on junk foods and dragging yourself through the house to eat your bland and flavorless greens.   You never have to give something up unless that thing and you have a toxic relationship.  I love peanut butter, and I don’t understand why every size container feels like a one day supply.  Peanut butter causes my brain to stop sending the signals that I need to stop already.  I’m usually tossing the jar in the trash when I realize I’ve just eaten several day’s worth of calories.  So, I did have to give that up.  For the same reason, I don’t buy my favorite snack: Takis.  Since I started my weight loss, I’ve had them three times.  They are now a celebratory food for me.  And I’m fine with that because my relationship with them was unhealthy.  But I haven’t given up other junk foods.  I still like to get meat alternatives, tortillas, Taco Bell, Burger King…. the difference is that I have control with the things I do eat, and I write everything down.

That ended up getting longer than I expected.  I guess I had some opinions!  I’ve lost 155 pounds, so I guess I’m starting to become one of those people who knows everything.  I should write up a guide to how I did it; I don’t know if anyone would find that helpful or not. 

[Walk #96]

The Wandering Hermit: Assessing Myself on a Thursday Morning

I feel inspired this morning.  I didn’t get enough sleep, but I still woke up feeling great and ready to do all the things!  I’ve been focused heavily on poetry this month and it has me feeling very hyped for new projects, and I even got some writing in the other day.  I can always write.  But I have been busy with other things and so my writing has been pushed to the back until I’ve settled somewhere.  That is a trap I’ve fallen for before.  There is no settling.  Life is always chaotic in one way or another, but it is a choice to deny myself expression.  So, I resumed the writing I should never have paused.

My pace for the entire 3.39 mile walk this morning was under 20 minutes per mile!  That was incredible.  Once again, I did at times feel like I was power walking like a suburban mom on a Wednesday morning, but most of the walk felt fine.  And breathing never became an issue, but a brief exception when a car drove by and I was dealing with some dust for a few minutes.  Otherwise, my lungs seem the best they ever have.  My VO2 Max number has sort of plateaued, but I just need to keep doing what I am doing; hopefully it moves along soon.

I’m starting to get used to the slower rate of my recent weight loss.  I had been discouraged that it was slowing down, but when I started I knew that would happen.  It’s actually a good sign to not be dropping 3 to 5 pounds per week.  Weight loss at that rate was a sign that I was far too overweight.  I seem to be at 1 to 2 pounds per week, with an occasional outlier of 4 or 5.  If there’s something I could switch up to increase that, I’m just not all that interested in exploring it.  I like how I’m eating, I like my exercise routine, I’m drinking a lot of water, and most nights I’m sleeping well.  I don’t really mind this pace because everything is feeling so great.

[Walk #95]

The Wandering Hermit: Flitting About In The Trees

A storm was passing by to the South as I started on my walk, which made for a dramatic start.  Near the end of my walk, there were scissortails flitting about between a group of red cedars and the fence across the street.  At one point, a hawk flew overhead with a scissortail chasing after him.  They kept popping in and out of view for a few moments, but of course as soon as I’d get my phone out I wouldn’t see them anymore.  And they’d show up as soon as I gave up.  I assume the hawk was chased off successfully; ahead a bit, the males continued flitting about, trying to catch the eyes of the females.

Today’s walk was good, but I was having a difficult time with the gravel.  You would think they had enlarged it overnight; I was slipping on it terribly.  I’m looking forward to walking somewhere paved.  It’s unfortunate because I love my walks out here for the things I see, but they are quite hard on my feet.

Yesterday I kept having the feeling that I just couldn’t believe the day was still going.  I’m usually incapable of processing more than one task in a day.  It all feels overwhelming and the days slip by so quickly—a bit of ADHD.  It was such a strange feeling and I wonder if it has to do with regular exercise.  Look, I know I’m not running marathons each morning.  I’m not doing bodybuilding…. I’m just walking, and really at the end of the day 2 miles isn’t even all that much walking.  But it’s huge for me.  I started walking at the beginning of April.  My goal was to walk everyday, to set a reasonable goal that I could achieve, and do as much as I could do before I thought I needed to stop (pain or whatever).  During that first week, I was averaging .75 miles per walk.  And that was all I could do.  That was a huge change from August 2023 when I walked to the end of the house and back and it was wiped out for the rest of the day.  Or October 2023, when I was using my exercise bike.  I looked at my log and I had one days of 14 minutes and one of 16 minutes, and I remember those being monumentally huge accomplishments.  So, my three quarter mile walks in April felt like a pretty big deal.  At this point, I’m doing 2 miles each morning.  I’m focused more on pace than on increasing that distance, but I’ll also increase the distance soon probably.  

What I’m feeling most ready for, rather than upsetting my walking routine, is doing some other types of exercise later in the day.  Of course, I have no clue where to start.  That is still what the internet is for—until it starts generating nonsensical workout routines for me via AI.  But the info in out there.  I’m ready to go find it.  And I’m ready to fill my days with things to do.  If there are really this many hours in a day, I’m both excited about my future and a little disappointed in my past.  Such is life.

[Walk #78]

The Wandering Hermit: Do The Things Anyway

I was not feeling terribly motivated this morning, but I pushed through and did it anyway.  I thought I might just walk the bit of road from here to the end of the property along Burris, a route I take a lot (It takes six laps to get two miles in), but I decided today would be a good day to take the most challenging of the routes to the next road and back, so I went down to Prairie Road.  I did that one specifically because I lacked the enthusiasm, almost like I was punishing myself for that feeling.  Really, I think I was just trying to balance everything out.  When I’m really with it and into my morning walk, I tend to walk faster and longer.  If I’m not going to do that, I might as well take the hills and get my heart rate up that way.  It was a nice morning—a little damp from yesterday’s rain, but nothing muddy or slippery.

I’m starting to feel very excited about having systems in place to help keep me organized enough to be more consistent with… everything.  That was some advice I got from Robert the other day, and he couldn’t be more correct.  But when I think about how I’ve been for the past 20 years, consistency is not what comes to mind.  That all gives me a sort of false impression of myself actually.  The thing I’m inconsistent about is the time and manner of my work, but not as much the work itself.  I think of myself as someone who wished they kept up with journaling, but also someone who cannot seem to get it together when it comes to journaling.  When I really look at it, I journal a lot and often.  It’s just in a physical journal and on my blog and in my meal planning notebook and on a scrap of paper here or there and in random text documents on my computer (all saved in different ways) and in letters…. I’m doing it.  I’m just not doing it the way I admire in people like Robert who can trace his daily journaling back 40 years, all consistently kept in the same place.  It’s okay that mine is chaotic and scattered.  It wouldn’t be mine if it wasn’t  It seems like a daunting task to gather it all and make sense of it, but I’m working on that.  I don’t know who it is for, but I’m working on getting it all compiled.

This morning reminded me a lot of being a teenager.  Mom worked at 7:00am, so she’d drop me off at school on the way.  That meant I arrived over an hour before classes started and my friend group developed from that.  Every morning, Mom would wake me up at 6:00am and every morning I hated it, didn’t want to get up, pushed against it.  But by the time I got to school, I was glad to be there.  I was excited to spend an hour with my friends.  Sometimes we don’t want to do things.  That is okay.  Do the things anyway.

[Walk #75]