Author: Brian

The Wandering Hermit: The Skunk in the Fog

   9 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: The Skunk in the Fog

I’m just going to have to get over it.

This morning’s walk was dark; the sunrises are getting noticeably later and it was pretty foggy.  At first I thought it was absurd to walk in such darkness and I did keep veering off toward the side of the road.  I could take the time to drive to a lit place, and I’ll have to if we are still here in the fall.  I don’t want to give up my early morning walks.

I got a message from someone that they are inspired to go for a walk.  Now, granted, I actually don’t know anything about this person’s fitness levels or needs.  I don’t know if this was an offhand comment or an actual bit of motivation being expressed, but it doesn’t really matter.  What mattered was that it reminded me of how uncomfortable I get when I feel like I’ve influenced someone to do something.  I once had a friend plan an entire vacation based on something I had written, and the whole thing made me very nervous.  There was nothing wrong with that vacation—in fact, I’m extremely flattered by the whole thing.  But something about being a person anyone looks to for information makes me uneasy.  And I do really need to get over that!  

I often put so much pressure on everything that no event, no matter how small, and no interaction, no matter how brief, is insignificant.  Every moment of the day is important.  Every conversation is profound.  It’s one of the ways I get around living in the present.  I’m so busy waiting for the bigness of the moment that I miss that the moment has even happened.

I ran into a skunk this morning.  He was crossing the driveway and we startled one another, but he just kept walking and I let him go on his way.  He was pretty adorable, but I was careful to not make any moves that might make him feel endangered.  It was a reminder of whose bit of land this really is.  

[Walk #117]

The Wandering Hermit: Obesity: Let’s Talk About It

   8 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Obesity: Let’s Talk About It

Does obesity have meaning anymore?

I’ve been overweight for my entire adult life, and obesity is a word that gets thrown around a lot when discussing weight.  It’s one that is meant to have a specific meaning, but is as hollow and vague as overweight these days.  And it’s the more upsetting sounding of the two, and so a lot of folks have a strong aversion to being called obese, even if it is clinically correct.  But I think it’s really a problem of messaging.  I’ve just now gone from Obese class III to Obese class II.  I both feel like celebrating that and I still need to acknowledge that I cannot stop and smell the flowers here.  I need to be visitor here at this weight category.  I won’t even be considered less than obese until I’m under 200 pounds, something I’m not sure is possible at this point.  I’ll keep working my way down there, but my meal plan is what it is at this point and the calorie deficit is less and less deficient every day.  I won’t be considered “Normal” weight until 169 pounds, and that just seems silly actually.  I haven’t been that weight since middle school probably.  It sounds like a child’s weight to me because it was for me.  I have no idea what weight I will settle at.

Obesity is on the rise.  Severe obesity (BMI of 40+) is trending upward at a slightly lower rate, but that’s where I lived for many years.  Now that I am in the regular obesity classes, I just feel like the language we use about these issues makes no sense.  It does nothing to explain to a person like me that at 150 pounds heavier, it is hard to lift your legs and it might be hard to walk in a place that requires stepping over things.  I have no such problem now.  I used to think I had wide feet.  Apparently I had fat feet.  There’s such a world of difference between being 420 pounds and 257 pounds, but all of the health data lumps the two in together.  It’s too broad.   

[Walk #116]

The Wandering Hermit: Nobody Plays the Trombone Anymore

   7 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Nobody Plays the Trombone Anymore

I watched To Kill A Mockingbird this afternoon.  I know it’s sort of an idealized version of a small community, but it made me long for things as they must only have seemed in my mind.  I felt nostalgic, but in ways I’m not sure were real.  I can remember talking to neighbors as a kid, riding my bike down to Rosewood Hills Shopping Center, going into stores to buy candy.  The community size hasn’t changed, but it felt much more alive—teeming with people.  I do assume it was my imagination or a combination of imagination and memory, but I was reminded of something that seemed nice at the time.  

And I don’t think I am just making that up.  We lived three streets from my grandparents’ and their house was as close from school, so sometimes I liked to walk there instead; afternoon TV felt different there in ways I cannot articulate.  The best I can do is to say that it was as if the afternoon’s dust particles were still suspended in the beams of sunlight coming in through the windows and the house was both quiet like it was on days when you were home sick, and also loud like Christmas.  I’d see several neighbors in the few street’s walk there.  And next door, there’d be trombone music spilling out of a bedroom window, which we’d hear as we walked through the backyards of the fenceless neighborhood.  Whoever was practicing never did seem to get very good at that instrument, but it didn’t matter.  That music was just part of some of my days, and a part of the neighborhood.  You don’t hear those things anymore, or at least I never do.  Maybe I need to be a kid walking through other people’s yards, but I don’t see people outside of their homes as often.  Even the parks feel a little lonely.

To Kill A Mockingbird shows as much of a negative to that as it does positives of course.  The whole premise of the story is how a small town can be filled with small minds, but I still came away from it feeling like I had lost something.

I don’t know if that feeling persists everywhere.  Even in my other grandma’s neighborhood, as a kid I would see everyone doing things outside.  I’m going to be visiting there soon.  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get a sense of it, but I’m fully expecting to find that people are shut up in their homes, devices in hand.  I think change is good, and I think having computers always in hand is a good thing, but it’s sad to have a sense of loss when I think about community.  But maybe it’s just me.

[Walk #115]

The Wandering Hermit: Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head

   7 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head

While I knew there was a chance of rain today, I didn’t expect it to rain all morning.  It hadn’t quite started when I first woke up at 5am, but I checked the radar and decided to just wait for it to pass.  By 10:30, I realized that wasn’t going to happen so I did some cardio on the front porch.  If it dries later, I’ll try to get in a bit of a walk.  The temperature is so perfect today; it’s a shame to waste it.

I’m apparently doing stationary cardio incorrectly.  I just can’t seem to get my heart rate up as much as walking, even when I feel like what I’m doing is much more difficult.  I have the same issue with aerobic exercises.  They will make me sweat a lot, but they don’t really move my heart rate as much as walking.  It is possible that I need to be slightly more concerned about why walking increases my heart rate so much, but either way I’d like them to be similar.  

The Wandering Hermit: Surprising Myself

   6 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: Surprising Myself

This morning’s walk was perfect—cool, dark, calm.  I woke up rested and felt great.  I do feel a little like I’ve been pushing myself this month, and I’m trying to be cautious about that.  I always worry about going too far.  I’ve been feeling like my whole body has built up a bit of pressure following my morning walks…I’m not sure if that makes sense.  It’s like I’m straining everything.  It’s not bad exactly, but I’m also not sure why it’s happening.  I actually might describe it as the feeling of asthma, but in my entire body, not just my lungs.  I don’t know if that is making sense.  I’m sure something is going on that explains the feeling.  From my brief research, my best guess in delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), but there is no real pain involved.  It doesn’t seem to be an injury, so for now I’m not going to worry about it.  I’ve been feeling it since my extra long walk on Thursday.  I’ll just keep paying attention to what my body is doing and act accordingly.

I’ve now lost 160 pounds.  That is wild to me.  I don’t know how much weight I have left to lose, but I can see it being anywhere from 50 to 90 pounds.  I’m just amazed at how quickly I’m talking about such small numbers I still need to lose.  It was not that long ago that I had stopped believing in my own capacity to accomplish anything, but I just don’t feel that way anymore.

[Walk #114]

The Wandering Hermit: It’s Not Me, It’s You: Rules for Walking

   5 July 2024  Leave a Comment on The Wandering Hermit: It’s Not Me, It’s You: Rules for Walking

It isn’t that I mind having company on my morning walks—I don’t.  In fact, I welcome someone joining me while I walk.  But there are some caveats.  

  1. Brian doesn’t talk in the morning.  I’m not cranky or in a bad mood, but the parts of my brain that do the talking aren’t even scheduled to be at work until I’ve been awake for an hour, and they are often running late.  There is a misconception that this means I’m grumpy.  I wake up most days ready to go and with a lot of motivation.  I also don’t want to talk… about anything.
  1. Brian doesn’t want to hear you talk in the morning.  Without the support of the speech staff, the listening staff isn’t really organized and ready yet first thing in the morning.  They hear you, but they cannot give you their full attention.  The morning agenda rarely includes people talking, so they just aren’t sure what to do when it happens.
  1. Brian is not admin.  I’m never admin, but it is especially true when I first wake up.  I cannot solve your problems for you yet.  That takes skills I won’t have until much later in the day, if at all.  I hear you.  You have an issue.  I appreciate that, but I cannot help.
  1. Brian will become cranky if you keep accusing him of being cranky.  We are all different.  My morning process involves quiet for an hour at minimum.  I love the sounds of morning, from birds in the trees to the sound of a coffee maker.  Because I don’t talk, I’m often accused of being cranky as I said.  I’m not; I’m just enjoying the stillness before my day gets going.  However, if asked enough times I will in fact deliver what you are ordering.  And I hate that I become so annoyed, but it just seems like some days I’m wrong for existing the way I am.

None of these caveats negate my interest in exercising with someone else.  I’d love to do that, but maybe what I really require is ground rules.

  1. Speak softly an stay off my back.  A simple greeting or brief discussion is fine.  Get straight to it, but not too loudly.  My tone will be what my tone is.  Again, I don’t mind even if my mouth isn’t working yet.
  1. Have a plan.  The best time to discuss an exercise/walking session is the day before.  Plan what you are going to do, be flexible enough to change things as needed, and be ready to do the thing.  If your mouth is already fully with it, you body should be as well.
  1. Sort it out.  As I mentioned, I’m not admin.  If you headphones are tangled or you are having an issue with your shoes, you might need to figure that out.  And that is okay.  I wouldn’t dream of asking for help with that stuff for myself.
  1. It’s okay to do what it is that you can/want to do.  I walk at least 2 miles in the morning.  I wake up at 5am and I leave the house by 5:30am.  The times vary & the route varies, but if you think it is too far, or not far enough, that’s cool.  Do your own walk if you need to.  I’m happy to walk beside you while it makes sense, but the morning walk/exercise is about your own fitness goals, so we might not sync up precisely.  Don’t worry about that.  And if you’d rather do a different walk, but just at the same time, that’s cool too.  Do that.  Don’t tie your routine to me.  
  1. Post-walk is when I write.  I need about 20 minutes sometime after my walk for logging & blogging.

I think there is a sort of popular way people like to walk and talk.  It’s a nice leisurely stroll through a park and it is very nice.  I’m actually very interested in doing that sort of thing.  It just isn’t the same as my morning walk.  That is about increasing my heart rate, waking up, and enjoying the dawn.  

[Walk #113]